People Who Like The Crap I Write About

Friday, September 24, 2010

I Write With My Hand On The Left Side! - AKA Left Handed

This morning when my alarm went off, I asked my husband Paul, to hand me my phone since he was closer. At first, he didn't respond so I had to ask him again...a little louder. I hope that taught him not to sleep when I need things like my phone! He then proceeded to hand me the computer charger. I'm not sure how you can mistake this for a cellphone, but that's Paul in a sleepy stupor for you! He once woke up so fast but was still technically asleep, he grabbed the tag on the pillow like it was a $100 bill falling off a bridge! Man I'd pay to see that one more time so I could point and laugh at him all over again!

Anyway, on my walk to the train this morning, I 'accidentally' collided with a stranger's fart. It really upsets me that I have to blame myself in this situation, like I have to brush it off as an 'accident' when it really wasn't my fault in the first place. What a coward! To sum it up, it was not a good time. It really put meaning into being in the wrong place at the wrong time! After my confusion and disbelief dissipated yet the smell lingered, my nostrils became extremely irate and wished they could punch my brain for a few minutes. Seriously, it's bad enough that I have to endure Paul's smelly air accidents, so it pisses me off that I would have to put up with a stranger's as well. Somewhere, that guy who farted is probably laughing. He'll be laughing all day while I sit here and write about how angry he makes me. He won the battle, but he won't win the war. I'm going to try and be the better person here and file this one under 'Circumstances Beyond One's Control' because killing them with kindness really does work!

Today I let my mom read my blog. And my husband. My mom thinks I'm intelligent and witty. Paul still thinks I'm crazy. One day I'll prove him wrong. I'm a lefty so I'm taking their conclusions into consideration. They make some sort of sense to me. That reminds me! The fact that I write with my left hand, means that I will die before a right handed person would, statistically speaking of course. I'd personally like to see this in writing but I'm not sure who to request it from. Any ideas? The only sure thing I can tell you about left handed people (trust me, its coming from a reliable source) is that we don't need right handed people's pity. We also don't need you putting mittens on our left hands and telling us we're evil. To be honest all you right handers out there, we also don't need your statistics you created out of fear. Fear of something you don't understand. I've got news for you, the only thing you should fear, is fear itself. Also, what's the deal with left handed button holes? I really take this invention as an insult. A retarded seahorse could button a normal 'right handed' shirt. Don't even try to argue that seahorses don't have hands, I don't want to hear it! I found some:

Well, now seeing that you're in an argumentative mood, I know you're also going to point out that Hitler was left handed. So this makes us evil?!? What's your point? I've actually attempted Googling this and apparently this is what other people are wondering about Hitler:

In case you didn't know, Jew is short for Jewish. They're kind of the same thing. Also, if you see the last one there, that was from all the right handed people bumping this silly 'fact' up in the Google list...Typical...

Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Tinterweb Inspired Me Today!

My friend Derrick who is a wizard nerd captured this for me today:

Thanks Derrick! As if I didn't already know I liked these! But it's true, I 'like' them on Facebook. I wish I could also 'like' the fact that they are right next to each other in an orderly fashion too. They look so perfect next to each other!

Anyway, his creativity cracked me up. But after realizing I accidentally pissed myself, I gradually became aware of my surroundings. Nothing is worse than being labelled a 'Pee Body'. Close to the point of developing diaper rash, I instantly snapped out of the laughing spell he cast on me with a wand I'm almost too positive he magically disguises as a pencil...I became super suspicious of how he cropped my Facebook likes so seamlessly...almost magically! This got me wondering 'Could Derrick be a wizard?!?' After questioning him, he then informed me that wizards don't use computers. Hmmm good point.

This conversation then inspired him to make this pic:

That's a pic with my head cut out and pasted on top of Hermoine's head. Don't be fooled by the hair, it's not mine, it's Hermoine's. I'm not a Ginger. We all know Ginger's don't have souls. I know you're probably thinking, 'Hermoine isn't a Ginger, Ron is!' Well here's the deal, Ron is a true Ginger, more of a Minger (ugly ginger)...But look, that's a whole different discussion! Anyway, you must have been living under a rock if you don't know who that bloke is in the pic with 'me'. I'm not even going to humor you and say his name because if you've been living under a rock, you shouldn't be reading my blog. We all know rock houses don't have computers!

Enough about Derrick! Here's a funny pic I stumbled across today. Its cuteness made me melt inside and laugh out loud.

I sure hope this kitten gets to college one day. I'm sure there's grants and financial aid he can apply for. If there's one thing I've learned, education is the most important thing one can have these days. If we don't get an education, we become stupid. If we become stupid, we lose our rights. Before you know it, the only rights we'll have left is the meat on our bones. God that reminds me of someone who once rambled on about something like that!

Who knew a matching diamond bracelet and choker would go so well with a dress made of beef jerky?