People Who Like The Crap I Write About

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Monday, June 13, 2011

Rihanna Punched My Eyeballs Today!

I love Rihanna, RiRi or even Ms Barbados, whatever you want to call her, she is awesome! Even though she steals her fashion from London and takes it back to the states, I forgive her, because, well, she's fun to work out to! However, I cannot and will not forgive her for playing tricks on my eyeballs today!

A while ago, I 'Liked' Rihanna on Facebook, who hasn't? If you haven't, you're dumb! Anyway, I 'Liked' her, along with 'Cheap Asian Crap', 'Frosties', 'Sleeping naked' and 'Telling Dick Chaney to shut the fuck up' amongst many other 'Likes'. Anyway, today she posted pictures of her at Loud Summer Tour 2011 where she was taking pictures with her fans and this one stuck out like a sore thumb and punched me in the eyes!

As you can see, she looks amazing, don't get me wrong! But God damn, she needs to put down the bottle of bright red hair dye and curling iron and step away! Even the fan next to her is squinting her eyes from blindness! AKA 'Ginger-eye-tis'. I'm sorry, but she looks like a cross between Ronald Mcdonald and Raggedy Ann, or is it just me?!? Here's a pic in case you've never seen Raggedy Ann before. I just found out that my husband has no clue who she is. I now pity him with every ounce of pity I had left in my bones. If only Ireland had've known this little Ginger of a character and her boyfriend Andy, there might not have been a famine! And don't even ask me for a picture of Ronald McDonald! If you have no idea who he is, you're probably from a third world country or just skinny! Anyway, here she is:

Yay? Nay?

So, this got me thinking about look-a-likes. Is it just me, or does Walt Disney resemble Hitler?!? I knew it couldn't just be me so I Googled it. Here's what I found:

Yup, there's definitely a resemblance and other weird people like me with too much time on their hands think it too!

Well now, this got my wheels really turning! If Walt Disney could look like Hitler, and Rihanna could look like Raggedy Ann, there must be even more look a likes out there for sure! Just to confirm this spontaneous theory, I went to the address on the picture, and found this fluffy mess:

This picture made me laugh very much. Anyone know who this Wilford Brimley character is? I'm too lazy to Google him. I'm all Googled out for the day! All I can say is, how on earth could Noah forget all the unicorns and dinosaurs, yet he remembered to bring these two crazy animals!?!

By the way I'm laughing even more as I write this because I just left a Hiroshima of a stink bomb in the bathroom and Paul is freaking out because his nostrils hate his brain very much right now. That'll show him for not knowing who Raggedy Ann is...

Monday, May 2, 2011

Osama Bin Laden...WTF?!?

I'm sure you all have heard the news by now about that one guy who died today...WTF?!?

I don't even need the news anymore, I just log into Facebook and everyone supplies me with what's what.

Sad, I know...

Anywho, I made a comic to help come to terms with the death of Mr Bin Laden.


Friday, February 25, 2011

Food Fight: 400lb Woman Beats Her Roommate Up For Eating Her Thin Mints! WTF?!?

Dear Fellow Fat Americans,


You're not making yourselves look very good in the headlines lately! I'm quite disappointed in you...SERIOUSLY, you're un-doing everything The Biggest Loser and Oprah has done for you guys!

Do you remember those old Butterfinger commercials with Bart and Homer fighting over the candy bar and Homer always ended up strangling Bart? I know, it was funny right?!? And I'm sure you even went and bought a few Butterfingers after the commercial was over too! Ha! So did I!

Good times eh?

Well never did I imagine in a million years that you fat people would really be fighting over food!

No really, you fatties are literally fighting over food!

Don't want to admit it? Ok then, I'll prove it to you!

First, we have the recent Denny's incident in Massachusetts. Some food-related drama is about to go down! And it's all because of some delicious maple syrup...Take a look:

And I thought this kind of crap only happens in New Jersey! Boy was I wrong!

Apparently someone from Couple A asked for some maple syrup off Couple B's table because Couple A didn't have any on their own table.

Well, this pissed Couple B off very, very, very much! Why you ask? God, I don't know! The only logical reason I can think of is this:

Couple B does not enjoy having their maple syrup borrowed as this can alter the taste of their own pancakes, even if it is returned within 30 seconds flat...Once removed from their table, I'm assuming it must not sustain the same syrupy goodness it would have if it were to only remain on their table and their table alone. After all, this is Denny's all-you-can-eat pancake night for only 5 bucks and they need their maple syrup to not have it's molecular structure altered in any way!

So then after both Couple A and Couple B exchanged some wonderfully well thought out and poetic words, the thieving Couple A ended the night by taking a patriotic beating from Couple B to pay for their gluttonous maple syrup sins!

The best part is when the girl says "Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me!" Haha!

Ok, so maybe these maple syrup hooligans aren't totally fat, but they dress like crap and they're acting like a 'larger than your average person' would after they missed happy hour at an all you can eat buffet...

What have I learned from this?

Well, not only do you not talk shit on the Boston Red Sox to someone from Masachusetts, you also DO NOT ask to borrow maple syrup from their table at Denny's!

This would SO not happen at IHOP!

Next we have Miss Hersha Howard...

(Yup, she's got 'Attitude!' written all over her face!)

This pleasantly plump, 400lb Florida woman attacked her roommate known only as 'The Victim', over a dispute of her eating all of Hersha's Thin Mints she bought from a girl scout.

Hmmm did I miss something here?!?

Over THIN mints?!?!


How ironic!!!!!

Oh no, it gets better!

Turns out she didn't eat them! She gave them to Hersha's children as a pre-bedtime snack at 1AM! 1 FUCKING AM! Gee, how thoughtful! The Victim offered to pay her for the box of cookies to calm her down but that just wasn't good enough. HA! HA! Nice try 'Victim', but you can't pull one over on Hersha! So, Hersha looses it (keep in mind people get a bit cranky when they don't eat), hits The Victim with a board, then proceeded to beat the living shit out of her!

The Victim's husband had to pull Hersha off his wife, leaving The Victim to escape. Oddly enough, Hersha chased after her (how the hell did she manage that?!?!) and beat her with a sign! I'm guessing this was a McDonald's sign???

Anywho, it's great entertainment and all, and Lord knows maple syrup and Thin Mints taste fan-fucking-tastic, but you fat people need to slow your roll and chill out! Not just that, can this shit please stop occurring in America?!?!? Please?!?!?!

Try to take your food aggressions out by attending Weight Watchers support meetings and watching The Iron Chef on Food Network, ok?!? It helps!

Fat, Angry, American Girl Living In Ireland

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Help Detroit Get Their Statue Of Robocop!

Ok, I'm all for good causes. However, if you ask me on the street to donate some money for a charity, I refuse to pay for first class flights of CEO's who run the charity, therefor, I'll tell you I can't speak English. If you're a gypsy begger on the street shoving a brand new paper coffee cup in my face with all your solid gold rings on saying "Please! Please! Please!", I will pretend I saw someone I know and wave 'them' down just to passively aggressively vacate myself from the shitty predicament you put me in. If you're going to climb Mount Kilimanjaro to help cancer research, I will laugh and say good luck to both, we all know they'll never find a cure to cancer! It makes the pharmaceutical companies billions every year!

But the reason for my post today is for a very good cause. A cause that something tangible will come from it! Detroit needs their Robocop, and this time, in a form of a statue! Please check this site out. The good people of Detroit are raising the money all on their own. They have already raised $50,000 which was their initial goal, but with 38 days to go, lets see how much more they can raise!

And even so, their mayor, Dave Bing, is being the evil nemesis saying it's not going to happen, "But thank you for your suggestion. " Perhaps this Dave guy has never seen Robocop? Perhaps he was a boy that only read books, pissed the bed and dreamed of being a politician one day. Wake up Dave! Wake the fuck up!

Who is going to serve the public? Who is going to protect the innocent? Uphold the law?

Detroit needs their Robocop!

The people of Detroit will not take 'No' for an answer, and that is admirable!

You guys know how much I love Robocop, especially if you read my last post about him. If that made you smile even the slightest, can you donate to this wonderful cause? Even if it's just the change you find in your couch. Perhaps you could donate your children's lunch money, anything will help! Most importantly, if it's just you taking the time to 'Like' the campaign on Facebook, it's free but shows your support!

I commend you good Samaritans who support Robocop!

Good luck people of Detroit! Make America proud!

God bless Robocop!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Last Minute Ideas For Mens Valentine's Gifts

Hey everyone!

Happy Valentine's Day!

You know what? Men have it so easy! Chocolates, flowers, perfume...It's so easy to shop for a girl!

So ladies, I decided to list some ideas on what to get your guy last minute:

Ball and Chain
Good old fashioned gift here. Isn't this how Valentine's Day was established?

Chocolate Boobs
He will not turn these away, in fact, he will look at you in a new light for being so thoughtful. Chocolate AND boobies?!? He'll love them!

A book about STD's for dumbos
Every dumbo couple needs one. Especially the ones that go on Jeremy Kyle and The Maury Show!

Pat the blow up doll
For all the times you're tired, bored or just not in the mood...

A T-Shirt that says "Play with me or this will be your eX-Box"
This is for all the guys who insist on playing video games all night, every night. Take notes.

Make him home made fetus cookies!
If that doesn't give him the hint, I don't know what will.

Biological Clock
Well ok, maybe this will. If not, ladies, forget baking anything in your oven...

Fake Pregnancy Test
But as revenge for making you childless, you could give him this just to piss him off and scare the living jiz out of him. No pun intended.

Beer Pong Kit
Why not end the night on an intoxicated note? He'll really appreciate the fact that he gets to drink beer, play ping pong and get laid all in one night!

Enjoy your evening ;)

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Traumatizing Children's Movies From The 80's

Sorry I haven't posted in a while guys! I missed ya!

Enough mushy mush!

Onto the post!

I came across two old bickering ladies on the bus who were saying a lot of movies geared towards kids are not that appropriate these days. Have they seen what we had to watch as children in the 80's???? Normally when you think back to old movies you saw as a child, the good memories come flooding back to you, right? Well quite the contrary for the following movies, they make me want to crap my pants when thinking about them!

The Brave Little Toaster (1987)

Have you seen this movie? To sum it up, it's God damn scary! It centers around a toaster (Toaste
, radio (The Radio), lamp (Lampy), electric blanket (Blankie), and a vacuum (Kirby), who are all left behind at an old house when their owner moves away as a child. They then set off on an adventure to find him.

Here's a clip of the bi-polar air conditioner having a nervous breakdown before they set off:

*Speechless & traumatized after that disturbing scene for sure* After watching this, I avoided air conditioners until I was 11 years old!

This scene will stay with me until I die! Basically the little toaster has a dream where his owner is making toast as a child. Then out of no where, it turns into a nightmare where he starts smoking, burns the toast, the smoke turns into a big evil hand, carries his owner to...Hell perhaps? Oh it's not over yet! Then an evil psycho clown comes into the scene and out of nowhe
Toaster is chased by giant forks,
running fo
r dea
r life
. WTF?!? Yup, I'm scarred for life now, yet again!

The Brave Little Toaster himself right before he commits suicide in order to save his Ginger owner's life. Look at his face, frightening!

Is there a moral to this movie? Hmmm I can't think of one off the top of my head. Other than appliances are fucking scary and if you try to leave them behind when you move, they WILLcome and find you!
WTF?!? Yup, I'm scarred for life now!

Harry and the Hendersons (1987)

A nice middle class family lets freaky ass Big Foot move into their house...

Look at him!!!!!
'Nuff said.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)

This dude gave me nightmares! Not to mention the scene where the innocent cartoon shoes get boiled to death!

Willow (1988)

Before I go on can I just point out how uncannily looking this guy on the DVD cover looks like Tony Blair?!!! This was probably how he first became famous!

Ok, so Willow the midget sets off to save the world by finding the prophesied baby Elora to help end the evil queen's rein. Along the way he bumps into a few freaky looking characters, oh and Val Kilmer.

Midget + prophesied baby + Val Kilmer + evil queen + magic = Recipe for creepiness!

The Never Ending Story (1984)

This was originally a book that was written by some German dude in 1979. It was later made into 3 movies, starring a young boy named Bastion. Ok, with a lead character by the name of 'Bastion', you know it's gonna be a crazy movie!

Basically, Bastion is a troubled kid who is bullied, so he hides in a bookstore, finds a book called 'The Neverending Story', he takes the book with him to school, cuts class and hides in the attic in his school and starts reading the book. He then ends up IN the story and into the world of Fantasia.

Great movie, can't argue that. However the eerie looking characters are what did it for me.

PS They're making a new one which comes out in 2012! Get ready to shit your pants all over again!

The Dark Crystal (1982)

Jim Henson, what the hell were you thinking? This is SO not Sesame Street!

It's a movie with a bunch of scary looking puppets and to sum it up, it's about crystals that are guarded on another planet by vultures called the Skesis. Look, it's too deep of a plot and I'm getting ADHD, so if you haven't seen it, you can read more about it here.

Labrinth (1986)

David Bowie + his bulging crotch + terrifying puppets = Traumatized child viewer

The Last Unicorn (1982)

This is the story of the last unicorn on Earth in an enchanted forest, who goes on a journey to find out what happened to the rest of her kind. On her way, she gets captured by a witch and is caged up in an evil carnival, she comes face to face with an angry red bull and the list goes on. Ok, this movie gets pretty complicated, but it's safe to say it's very strange and upsetting for a child!

The Goonies (1985)

Kids running from scary criminals who have guns, stumbling upon old pirate skeletons, meeting a huge, deformed freak in the basement...

Again, 'nuff said.

ET (1982)

This movie is a classic, however it traumatised me in the sense that ET at first scared the shit out of me. You know the scene when Elliott found him out back and he couldn't scream for help? I think I pissed my pants and stopped breathing for that entire scene! To this day, I'm pretty sure I have brain damage from lack of oxygen...It explains a lot. Oh well, it gives me character!

Anywho, once you got to know him, ET was such a cute little alien, freaky looking, but cute. When he got sick and almost died at the end, I was sooooo sad and worried the first time I saw this movie. I really thought he wouldn't make it!

This movie also makes me want Reese's Pieces every time I see it.


That's all I can think of for now, can anyone add onto this?

Oh! And Peachy gave me the Super Blog Bowl MVP award! Yay thanks Peachy! You're awesome! Check her blog The Pits of Being Peachy out, you won't be disappointed :