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Saturday, February 12, 2011

Traumatizing Children's Movies From The 80's

Sorry I haven't posted in a while guys! I missed ya!

Enough mushy mush!

Onto the post!

I came across two old bickering ladies on the bus who were saying a lot of movies geared towards kids are not that appropriate these days. Have they seen what we had to watch as children in the 80's???? Normally when you think back to old movies you saw as a child, the good memories come flooding back to you, right? Well quite the contrary for the following movies, they make me want to crap my pants when thinking about them!

The Brave Little Toaster (1987)

Have you seen this movie? To sum it up, it's God damn scary! It centers around a toaster (Toaste
, radio (The Radio), lamp (Lampy), electric blanket (Blankie), and a vacuum (Kirby), who are all left behind at an old house when their owner moves away as a child. They then set off on an adventure to find him.

Here's a clip of the bi-polar air conditioner having a nervous breakdown before they set off:

*Speechless & traumatized after that disturbing scene for sure* After watching this, I avoided air conditioners until I was 11 years old!

This scene will stay with me until I die! Basically the little toaster has a dream where his owner is making toast as a child. Then out of no where, it turns into a nightmare where he starts smoking, burns the toast, the smoke turns into a big evil hand, carries his owner to...Hell perhaps? Oh it's not over yet! Then an evil psycho clown comes into the scene and out of nowhe
Toaster is chased by giant forks,
running fo
r dea
r life
. WTF?!? Yup, I'm scarred for life now, yet again!

The Brave Little Toaster himself right before he commits suicide in order to save his Ginger owner's life. Look at his face, frightening!

Is there a moral to this movie? Hmmm I can't think of one off the top of my head. Other than appliances are fucking scary and if you try to leave them behind when you move, they WILLcome and find you!
WTF?!? Yup, I'm scarred for life now!

Harry and the Hendersons (1987)

A nice middle class family lets freaky ass Big Foot move into their house...

Look at him!!!!!
'Nuff said.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)

This dude gave me nightmares! Not to mention the scene where the innocent cartoon shoes get boiled to death!

Willow (1988)

Before I go on can I just point out how uncannily looking this guy on the DVD cover looks like Tony Blair?!!! This was probably how he first became famous!

Ok, so Willow the midget sets off to save the world by finding the prophesied baby Elora to help end the evil queen's rein. Along the way he bumps into a few freaky looking characters, oh and Val Kilmer.

Midget + prophesied baby + Val Kilmer + evil queen + magic = Recipe for creepiness!

The Never Ending Story (1984)

This was originally a book that was written by some German dude in 1979. It was later made into 3 movies, starring a young boy named Bastion. Ok, with a lead character by the name of 'Bastion', you know it's gonna be a crazy movie!

Basically, Bastion is a troubled kid who is bullied, so he hides in a bookstore, finds a book called 'The Neverending Story', he takes the book with him to school, cuts class and hides in the attic in his school and starts reading the book. He then ends up IN the story and into the world of Fantasia.

Great movie, can't argue that. However the eerie looking characters are what did it for me.

PS They're making a new one which comes out in 2012! Get ready to shit your pants all over again!

The Dark Crystal (1982)

Jim Henson, what the hell were you thinking? This is SO not Sesame Street!

It's a movie with a bunch of scary looking puppets and to sum it up, it's about crystals that are guarded on another planet by vultures called the Skesis. Look, it's too deep of a plot and I'm getting ADHD, so if you haven't seen it, you can read more about it here.

Labrinth (1986)

David Bowie + his bulging crotch + terrifying puppets = Traumatized child viewer

The Last Unicorn (1982)

This is the story of the last unicorn on Earth in an enchanted forest, who goes on a journey to find out what happened to the rest of her kind. On her way, she gets captured by a witch and is caged up in an evil carnival, she comes face to face with an angry red bull and the list goes on. Ok, this movie gets pretty complicated, but it's safe to say it's very strange and upsetting for a child!

The Goonies (1985)

Kids running from scary criminals who have guns, stumbling upon old pirate skeletons, meeting a huge, deformed freak in the basement...

Again, 'nuff said.

ET (1982)

This movie is a classic, however it traumatised me in the sense that ET at first scared the shit out of me. You know the scene when Elliott found him out back and he couldn't scream for help? I think I pissed my pants and stopped breathing for that entire scene! To this day, I'm pretty sure I have brain damage from lack of oxygen...It explains a lot. Oh well, it gives me character!

Anywho, once you got to know him, ET was such a cute little alien, freaky looking, but cute. When he got sick and almost died at the end, I was sooooo sad and worried the first time I saw this movie. I really thought he wouldn't make it!

This movie also makes me want Reese's Pieces every time I see it.


That's all I can think of for now, can anyone add onto this?

Oh! And Peachy gave me the Super Blog Bowl MVP award! Yay thanks Peachy! You're awesome! Check her blog The Pits of Being Peachy out, you won't be disappointed :


  1. Have you ever seen Legend? It stars Tom Cruise and Tim Curry is the bad guy. It's totally a weird messed up movie.

    Also, David Bowie was in Labrynth not The Dark Crystal. Labyrinth is crazy too.

  2. so i never really watched the lost unicorn. although i was afraid of E.T. TRULY AFRAID OF ET!!!

  3. AHHHH Just fixed that! Thanks Johnny! My memories have been warped by creepiness!

  4. Haha, I'm being Jareth from Labyrinth for halloween this year. I got a fushigi ball for Xmas and am getting pretty good at it.

    You forgot one. This one scared the SHIT out of me. Pee Wee's Big Adventure. Large Marge? Holy crap. I had nightmares for weeks.

  5. Is it weird that Dark Crystal is one of my favorite movies? Gelflings will destroy us!

    I've seen every one of these but The Brave Little Toaster. Watched the clip...yeah freaky.

    It is funny to see movies that have built upon some of these classics. Mirrormask (2005) and Pan's Labyrinth (2006) definitely make nods back to Dark Crystal and Labrynth in their own freaky ways.

    You also forgot to mention the frickin Butterfly in Last Unicorn. Seriously, that thing freaked me out, singing and laughing then suddenly quiet and serious "You can find the others if you are brave. They passed down all the roads long ago, and the Red Bull ran close behind them and covered their footprints."

    Thank you butterfly. I hate you.
    Funny Stuff I Write And Draw

  6. I love all of those movies except for the first one.

  7. OMG! I LOVE all of those movies! LOL! Except ET. Never seen it.

  8. holy fuck thats quite a list. watched em all

  9. LOL... Labrynth is awesome, one of my favorites but David Bowie's bulging pants do scare me... and The Brave Little Toaster is a freaky movie but I remember watching it ALL THE TIME it seemed to always be on the Disney Channel! lol

  10. ive seen only 2 movies on that list, brave little toaster and the goonies and they are both awesome!

  11. Like most of those. Really hated Willow though.

  12. The Brave Little Toaster freaked me out as a kid

  13. just nostalgia'd hard with this post! Roger Rabbit is still one of my favorite movies...EVER. Have you seen The Monster Squad? It's like the Goonies, but with cooler kids, cuss words and universal studios Monsters.

  14. i did not see many of those movies, but i did see Yentle and well, i am still scared...

    Roger rabbit was on tonight... and that movie is just. plain. wrong.

  15. And you don't like circus clowns either right? Uhhh I was a child of the 50's so I missed all of the4se but my kids watched Rock and Rule non stop.

  16. I watched every single one of those movies, and guess what?! I absolutly LOVE THEM!!! Of course i do come from a wierd family full of creepy artists and crazy people. My favorite was "The Dark Crystal." I have every single one of these movies on VHS tape collecting dust in my attic. Thanks to you i'm gonna watch them again. Definatly following.

  17. The clown scene from the brave little toaster. my god! Nightmare much?
    Following :)

  18. Does anyone remember an 80/90s movie with a few kids and a small creepy man that could have been a puppet or animatronics that helped the kids and then turned on them? That's all I can really remember, but it definitely creeped me out as a child!