People Who Like The Crap I Write About

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Wolf & Coyote Piss For Sale!

God, I feel awesome! Wanna know why?

I came across wolf urine while looking at stuff on Amazon!

What a find!

really like to get some of this stuff!

Yours for only 31.95!

Wolf Piss

I then came across coyote urine which Amazon also sells for only 29.95!

Coyote Piss

After laughing for a few minutes and patting myself on my back for discovering my glorious find, I was immediately confused as to why coyote urine is cheaper than wolf urine.

I mean really, who decides how much urine should cost in the first place?

So what do I do?

I eat a few yogurt rice cakes and a spoonful of peanut butter right out of the jar....Hmmm yeah more like half the jar....Then I get angry at myself for being a stupid gluttonous pig....Which makes me cry and yell at my reflection in the mirror...."Who eats half a jar of God damn peanut butter in one sitting?!? Certainly not Kate fucking Moss!" Then I realize I've gotta blog post to finish so I pull myself together....And I email the company directly....

So the other day, I emailed Deer Busters, and of course I was not expecting to get an email in return just like the last time I emailed the egg company about my double yolked eggs.

Anyway, here's my email to them:

Hi there,

I came across the wolf urine and coyote urine you have for sale on
your website and I noticed wolf urine was slightly more expensive than
coyote urine and this got the wheels in my head turning. Can you tell
me what exactly you base the price of them on?

I mean, is it harder to get urine from a wolf than it is from a
coyote? Perhaps wolf urine is worth more because they are also seen as
mystical and mysterious creatures? I'm sure you've seen those t-shirts
with wolves howling at the moon and there's usually a wizard somewhere
in the picture! Any who, I know that wolves are considered endangered
and threatened as a species, with that in mind, don't you think you
should up the price just a tad?

According to Wiki, wolves and coyotes do mate and their offspring is
known as a 'Coywolf'. God, I didn't see that coming! Think they could
have been a little more creative? I do! Perhaps you should sell
coywolf urine as well, just to make it easier for all the people who
can't decide which urine they should go with. When it comes to buying
urine, it shouldn't be only black or white, throw a little gray in
there and set yourself apart from all your competitors! Just a

Anyway, I know you get stupid emails like this all of the time, but
I'm just hoping you actually take me a teeny, tiny bit serious so I
can learn good and of course blog about it. I look forward to you

Kind Regards


***THEY EMAILED ME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***


I only know we base the price on our costs. I have no idea how they collect it just that it comes in barrels from a licensed nuisance wildlife professional. I would recommend using the urine product where those predators are present in your area.


Martin Havrilla
Marketing Manager
Phone: 1-301-694-6072
Toll Free: 1-888-422-3337

Yeah, ok, not that long of a response, BUT IT'S SOMETHING!!!! Haha, I'm making progress, how do you like that? I'm like the Abraham Lincoln of writing stupid emails to get a reaction!

On a side note, I also came across this picture of a fat guy in a car and it made me feel not so bad for eating all that peanutbutter :)


  1. ur post delivers the lulz

    your friend,

  2. that is how i used to feel in our mini cooper. ..yeah, you know...just like wolf urine, not the big fat guy...

    or did i feel like coyote urine? idk, r?

    mebbe i did feel like the big fat guy...

    guess i will shut up and finish this drink..oh and congrats

    yet another funny post...

    Bruce Johnson JADIP
    Evil Twin
    stupid stuff I see and hear
    The Dreamodeling Guy
    The Guy Book
    The Guy Book

  3. Oh, how easy would life be if someone wanted to buy my urine. :'( :D

  4. That is awesome that you actually got a reply.

  5. drinking wolf urine gives you magical powers. are you from the misc though? this reminds me of misc type stuff.

  6. They really do have everything on the internet

  7. You can buy some of my urine. It keeps away slightly beer gutted comic book nerds! I will even eat some asparagus beforehand to make it extra pungent. :)

  8. Siiiiick
    Can't believe you got a response!

  9. LOL at the reply. I actually didn't know wolf urine had a purpose for keeping animals away

  10. for some reason....this post reminded me of Ernest Scared Stupid and the "MAIK" he finds/orders.

    random right?

  11. lol you would think that pee wouldn't be that expensive...

  12. Man that picture had me howling! I just finished a quart of wolf urine.

  13. I'll sell you a jug of my urine for $50... I'll make sure to stay really dehydrated and eat radishes so it gets a beautiful maroon tint to it! No need to thank me... I'll be expecting an order in my inbox

  14. the wolves are endangered, you must conserve the pisssss

  15. Wouldn't the deer smell the preservatives?

  16. lol good find. but i already know of this product. its pretty good for pranks too oddly enough

  17. hilarious.. what an amazing place your brain must be!

    ditto on the beauty and interest... and Following :)

  18. If my job in life was 'coyote urine collector', not only would I kill myself because of my job, but I'd also kill myself for being undersold in my already miserable field.

  19. I've got three pints of pee looking for a buyer. Let me know if you're interested.

  20. nice. it seems to me also a bit weird. but amazing that you get an answer

  21. Wolf urine with vodka, coyote urine with tequila, d'uh!

  22. How do I get a 'nuisance wildlife professional' license? Sounds like a fun job.

    C'mere deer! Do you like... COYOTE PISS??? Hmmm, not so much. EMU PISS??? Meh.... UNICORN PISS?? *takes notes*

  23. I'm going to start selling my own urine, and market it towards people who live in high-crime areas. Whaddya think?

  24. You seem like an intelligent and well adjusted person <3

  25. The wolf urine is collected when a girls boyfriend goes outside to pee of the balcony. Coyote (which are a little more settled and usually married) urine is collected by Mrs. Coyote when the old man goes to the back yard to pee (save the planet flush less) as it gives her extra pin money.

    The reason the costs are different is that it is harder to collect from a lone wolf pissing off a second floor balcony because the girlfriend wolf is two story's down running around with a barrel as he tries to write his name in the snow.

    The coyote just does what his old lady tells him and pees in the barrel.

    Less labor involved ergo less cost to the bottler.

    and errr I kind think that guy needs a bigger car because he ate more than just a jar of peanut butter probably more like the whole damn field (gotta have that roughage don't you know).

  26. hello lovely,

    thanks so much for your comment :)))!

    i like the last photo....fat man and little great hahaha

    aaaaaaaaaand i wish you a great and relaxt weekend....

    with love

  27. Haha this is just epic :)

    Loving how you mailed them :D

  28. awesome blog
    followed :)

  29. maybe I could sell human urine to keep others away.

  30. nice :)

    following and supporting

  31. haha, awesome story. fyi, for those who are wondering why they sell wolf urine, it's to keep racoons and gophers and stuff away from your house I think.