Traumatizing Children's Movies From The 80's

Sorry I haven't posted in a while guys! I missed ya!

Enough mushy mush!

Onto the post!

I came across two old bickering ladies on the bus who were saying a lot of movies geared towards kids are not that appropriate these days. Have they seen what we had to watch as children in the 80's???? Normally when you think back to old movies you saw as a child, the good memories come flooding back to you, right? Well quite the contrary for the following movies, they make me want to crap my pants when thinking about them!

The Brave Little Toaster (1987)

Have you seen this movie? To sum it up, it's God damn scary! It centers around a toaster (Toaste

r)

, radio (The Radio), lamp (Lampy), electric blanket (Blankie), and a vacuum (Kirby), who are all left behind at an old house when their owner moves away as a child. They then set off on an adventure to find him.

Here's a clip of the bi-polar air conditioner having a nervous breakdown before they set off:

*Speechless & traumatized after that disturbing scene for sure* After watching this, I avoided air conditioners until I was 11 years old!

This scene will stay with me until I die! Basically the little toaster has a dream where his owner is making toast as a child. Then out of no where, it turns into a nightmare where he starts smoking, burns the toast, the smoke turns into a big evil hand, carries his owner to...Hell perhaps? Oh it's not over yet! Then an evil psycho clown comes into the scene and out of nowhe

re,

Toaster is chased by giant forks,

running fo

r dea

r life

. WTF?!? Yup, I'm scarred for life now, yet again!

The Brave Little Toaster himself right before he commits suicide in order to save his Ginger owner's life. Look at his face, frightening!

Is there a moral to this movie? Hmmm I can't think of one off the top of my head. Other than appliances are fucking scary and if you try to leave them behind when you move, they WILLcome and find you!

WTF?!? Yup, I'm scarred for life now!

Harry and the Hendersons (1987)

A nice middle class family lets freaky ass Big Foot move into their house...

Look at him!!!!!

'Nuff said.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)

This dude gave me nightmares! Not to mention the scene where the innocent cartoon shoes get boiled to death!

Willow (1988)

Before I go on can I just point out how uncannily looking this guy on the DVD cover looks like Tony Blair?!!! This was probably how he first became famous!

Ok, so Willow the midget sets off to save the world by finding the prophesied baby Elora to help end the evil queen's rein. Along the way he bumps into a few freaky looking characters, oh and Val Kilmer.

Midget + prophesied baby + Val Kilmer + evil queen + magic = Recipe for creepiness!

The Never Ending Story (1984)

This was originally a book that was written by some German dude in 1979. It was later made into 3 movies, starring a young boy named Bastion. Ok, with a lead character by the name of 'Bastion', you know it's gonna be a crazy movie!

Basically, Bastion is a troubled kid who is bullied, so he hides in a bookstore, finds a book called 'The Neverending Story', he takes the book with him to school, cuts class and hides in the attic in his school and starts reading the book. He then ends up IN the story and into the world of Fantasia.

Great movie, can't argue that. However the eerie looking characters are what did it for me.

PS They're making a new one which comes out in 2012! Get ready to shit your pants all over again!

The Dark Crystal (1982)

Jim Henson, what the hell were you thinking? This is SO not Sesame Street!

It's a movie with a bunch of scary looking puppets and to sum it up, it's about crystals that are guarded on another planet by vultures called the Skesis. Look, it's too deep of a plot and I'm getting ADHD, so if you haven't seen it, you can read more about it here.

Labrinth (1986)

David Bowie + his bulging crotch + terrifying puppets = Traumatized child viewer

The Last Unicorn (1982)

This is the story of the last unicorn on Earth in an enchanted forest, who goes on a journey to find out what happened to the rest of her kind. On her way, she gets captured by a witch and is caged up in an evil carnival, she comes face to face with an angry red bull and the list goes on. Ok, this movie gets pretty complicated, but it's safe to say it's very strange and upsetting for a child!

The Goonies (1985)

Kids running from scary criminals who have guns, stumbling upon old pirate skeletons, meeting a huge, deformed freak in the basement...

Yeah...

Again, 'nuff said.

ET (1982)

This movie is a classic, however it traumatised me in the sense that ET at first scared the shit out of me. You know the scene when Elliott found him out back and he couldn't scream for help? I think I pissed my pants and stopped breathing for that entire scene! To this day, I'm pretty sure I have brain damage from lack of oxygen...It explains a lot. Oh well, it gives me character!

Anywho, once you got to know him, ET was such a cute little alien, freaky looking, but cute. When he got sick and almost died at the end, I was sooooo sad and worried the first time I saw this movie. I really thought he wouldn't make it!

This movie also makes me want Reese's Pieces every time I see it.

Yum!

That's all I can think of for now, can anyone add onto this?

Oh! And Peachy gave me the Super Blog Bowl MVP award! Yay thanks Peachy! You're awesome! Check her blog The Pits of Being Peachy out, you won't be disappointed :

I Winned An Award! Yay!

First thing's first, I cannot believe I have over 100 followers now! WTF?!? Yeah, I'm still stunned! So I want to thank you all for following my blog and pretending to think it's funny and interesting! It really makes my day! Also, I'm sorry if I don't respond to all your comments, but please keep in mind, I DO read every single one of them that you leave and I most certainly laugh at all of them! As for your blogs, I always try to read as many of them as I can and I always leave a comment when I do!

Next order of business! An update on my revenge on Derrick! Yes, I know a lot of you were interested to see what I would do to get back at the poor guy. Although some of you gave some great ideas, like shitting on his chest or sending him gay porn, that would take more effort than I'm willing to give! So, with the help of a couple fellow bloggers, I think I've got him back! That's right Isaac, you said it looks like Derrick wins? I beg to differ! Muhahahahahahaha!

With the help of Sucio Sanchez, he took into careful consideration the fact that Derrick is indeed a Mormon AND from Utah. Double whammy! So after pondering for a split second, he performed a little magic and added him to his glorious Mormon Porn creations! I could not stop laughing when I saw this! Thanks Sucio, high virtual five bro!

Next we have NooG's spin on getting revenge on Derrick. After I personally requested him to showcase Derrick as a poop loving ninja, this is what I received! Hahaha holy hell, there's even a poop dragon behind him! How on earth did he come up with this? Fucking genius!

Check out both their blogs, they're awesome!

All in all, I won Derrick! Take that!

Now onto some other stuff that doesn't involve stupid Derrick!

Bruce from brucejohnson JADIP presented me with The LOL Award!

Holy wow, my first ever blogging award! Next is the Nobel Peace Prize I tell ya!

Thanks Bruce! The second I saw you had a ginger beard and the wit of a drunk monk (that's a good thing), I knew you were full of awesomeness! Check out his blog if you haven't already :D

And the rules of this award?

1.Link to the person who gave you this award. (In a post, or in your sidebar, wherever you have this) CHECK

2.Pass the award along to seven other people who post about at least slightly amusing things and tell them. Either by emailing them or commenting on a post, etc.

3.Say seven things about yourself that no one knows. (Or at least you think no one knows.)

CHECK

4.Pass these rules on. (copy and paste this winners!)

Hmmmm 7 things about myself? Dammit!

1. I used to dream of marrying all of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when I was a child, my wedding was completely planned out. Cake made out of pepperoni pizza and everything! That bitch April was NOT invited!
2. I have a fear of drinking water that's been sitting out overnight. My husband Paul and I have regular debates about this as he can't understand why it's okay for the water to be a billion years old but I can't drink it if it's been in a cup overnight. Because there's dust particles, aka skin cells in it!!!
3. I saw the movie Titanic 5 times when it first came out in the movie theater, cried the first 2 times when Jack died (sorry I ruined the ending, PS old lady Rose dies in the end!) and begged my mom for the Heart of the Ocean necklace that Christmas, and got it. Damn, was I cool!?!
4. I'm a very cheap date, I love the dollar movies and 2 drinks gets me plastered! Literally!
5. I lived in Utah my entire life and have never been skiing, what's wrong with me?!?
6. I met my husband on MySpace of all places! Crazy huh?
7. The first time I ate a beet, I was 8 years old and I thought it was a grape gummy bear. Boy was I wrong! I threw up my entire Thanksgiving dinner that day!

And now 7 people, in no particular order, who crack me up every time I read their blog and pass this award on to are:

Oilfield Trash - Always has some funny spin on life and the hand he's been dealt with!

Sucio Sanchez - Hilarious and gifted when it comes to GIMP!

NooG - Very creative and humorous blog, he's a Photoshop genius with a sense of humor!

A Beer For The Shower - His wit is out of this world and he looks great in a suit! Need I say more?

2 Hard - I don't know how he comes up with some of his stuff, but he never ceases to make me laugh!

Mister Sharaf - Want to not be bored anymore and laugh a lot? Check out his blog!

And last but not least, good old Brucey boy! Sorry, but I have to pass this one back to you as you do make me laugh hysterically with your comments and your posts!

Well that's all for now folks! Have a greaaaaaaaaat day!