Osama Bin Laden...WTF?!?

I'm sure you all have heard the news by now about that one guy who died today...WTF?!?

I don't even need the news anymore, I just log into Facebook and everyone supplies me with what's what.

Sad, I know...

Anywho, I made a comic to help come to terms with the death of Mr Bin Laden.

Enjoy!

Food Fight: 400lb Woman Beats Her Roommate Up For Eating Her Thin Mints! WTF?!?

Dear Fellow Fat Americans,

WTF?!?

You're not making yourselves look very good in the headlines lately! I'm quite disappointed in you...SERIOUSLY, you're un-doing everything The Biggest Loser and Oprah has done for you guys!

Do you remember those old Butterfinger commercials with Bart and Homer fighting over the candy bar and Homer always ended up strangling Bart? I know, it was funny right?!? And I'm sure you even went and bought a few Butterfingers after the commercial was over too! Ha! So did I!

Good times eh?

Well never did I imagine in a million years that you fat people would really be fighting over food!

No really, you fatties are literally fighting over food!

Don't want to admit it? Ok then, I'll prove it to you!

First, we have the recent Denny's incident in Massachusetts. Some food-related drama is about to go down! And it's all because of some delicious maple syrup...Take a look:

And I thought this kind of crap only happens in New Jersey! Boy was I wrong!

Apparently someone from Couple A asked for some maple syrup off Couple B's table because Couple A didn't have any on their own table.

Well, this pissed Couple B off very, very, very much! Why you ask? God, I don't know! The only logical reason I can think of is this:

Couple B does not enjoy having their maple syrup borrowed as this can alter the taste of their own pancakes, even if it is returned within 30 seconds flat...Once removed from their table, I'm assuming it must not sustain the same syrupy goodness it would have if it were to only remain on their table and their table alone. After all, this is Denny's all-you-can-eat pancake night for only 5 bucks and they need their maple syrup to not have it's molecular structure altered in any way!

So then after both Couple A and Couple B exchanged some wonderfully well thought out and poetic words, the thieving Couple A ended the night by taking a patriotic beating from Couple B to pay for their gluttonous maple syrup sins!

The best part is when the girl says "Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me!" Haha!

Ok, so maybe these maple syrup hooligans aren't totally fat, but they dress like crap and they're acting like a 'larger than your average person' would after they missed happy hour at an all you can eat buffet...

What have I learned from this?

Well, not only do you not talk shit on the Boston Red Sox to someone from Masachusetts, you also DO NOT ask to borrow maple syrup from their table at Denny's!

This would SO not happen at IHOP!

Next we have Miss Hersha Howard...

(Yup, she's got 'Attitude!' written all over her face!)

This pleasantly plump, 400lb Florida woman attacked her roommate known only as 'The Victim', over a dispute of her eating all of Hersha's Thin Mints she bought from a girl scout.

Hmmm did I miss something here?!?

Over THIN mints?!?!

400lbs?!?

How ironic!!!!!

Oh no, it gets better!

Turns out she didn't eat them! She gave them to Hersha's children as a pre-bedtime snack at 1AM! 1 FUCKING AM! Gee, how thoughtful! The Victim offered to pay her for the box of cookies to calm her down but that just wasn't good enough. HA! HA! Nice try 'Victim', but you can't pull one over on Hersha! So, Hersha looses it (keep in mind people get a bit cranky when they don't eat), hits The Victim with a board, then proceeded to beat the living shit out of her!

The Victim's husband had to pull Hersha off his wife, leaving The Victim to escape. Oddly enough, Hersha chased after her (how the hell did she manage that?!?!) and beat her with a sign! I'm guessing this was a McDonald's sign???

Anywho, it's great entertainment and all, and Lord knows maple syrup and Thin Mints taste fan-fucking-tastic, but you fat people need to slow your roll and chill out! Not just that, can this shit please stop occurring in America?!?!? Please?!?!?!

Try to take your food aggressions out by attending Weight Watchers support meetings and watching The Iron Chef on Food Network, ok?!? It helps!

Sincerely,

Fat, Angry, American Girl Living In Ireland

Help Detroit Get Their Statue Of Robocop!

Ok, I'm all for good causes. However, if you ask me on the street to donate some money for a charity, I refuse to pay for first class flights of CEO's who run the charity, therefor, I'll tell you I can't speak English. If you're a gypsy begger on the street shoving a brand new paper coffee cup in my face with all your solid gold rings on saying "Please! Please! Please!", I will pretend I saw someone I know and wave 'them' down just to passively aggressively vacate myself from the shitty predicament you put me in. If you're going to climb Mount Kilimanjaro to help cancer research, I will laugh and say good luck to both, we all know they'll never find a cure to cancer! It makes the pharmaceutical companies billions every year!

But the reason for my post today is for a very good cause. A cause that something tangible will come from it! Detroit needs their Robocop, and this time, in a form of a statue! Please check this site out. The good people of Detroit are raising the money all on their own. They have already raised $50,000 which was their initial goal, but with 38 days to go, lets see how much more they can raise!

And even so, their mayor, Dave Bing, is being the evil nemesis saying it's not going to happen, "But thank you for your suggestion. " Perhaps this Dave guy has never seen Robocop? Perhaps he was a boy that only read books, pissed the bed and dreamed of being a politician one day. Wake up Dave! Wake the fuck up!

Who is going to serve the public? Who is going to protect the innocent? Uphold the law?

Detroit needs their Robocop!

The people of Detroit will not take 'No' for an answer, and that is admirable!

You guys know how much I love Robocop, especially if you read my last post about him. If that made you smile even the slightest, can you donate to this wonderful cause? Even if it's just the change you find in your couch. Perhaps you could donate your children's lunch money, anything will help! Most importantly, if it's just you taking the time to 'Like' the campaign on Facebook, it's free but shows your support!

I commend you good Samaritans who support Robocop!

Good luck people of Detroit! Make America proud!

God bless Robocop!

15 Shirts I Must Buy Or My Life Will Not Be Complete

#1

This is what I think every time I talk to my friend Derrick. However, I don't think he just ate a bowl, I think he devoured the entire box.

#2

This is very true, you cannot argue with physics.

#3

Vegetarians, vegans, and World of Warcraft freaks, close your eyes, this shirt may offend you.

#4

Was I the only one that thinks Kanye West wasn't crossing the line?

#5

This shirt is the perfect thing to wear to a feminist group. If anyone gives you the stink eye, just respond, "Hey, you would look really cute in a dress with a little bit of make up!" or "Shouldn't you be chained to the sink doing some dishes?" That will show them...

#6

Two words: Holy hilarious!

#7

Not just for your average American citizen that's appeared on Maury's television program, not once, but 5 times to figure out who the baby's daddy is.

#8

I cannot tell you how many times I've been talking with someone who doesn't get the irony of a situation. I wish I had been wearing this shirt so I could point at the writing and walk away.

#9

I'm all for going organic. Next time you go to buy organic food or clothes, wear this.

#10

Perfect T shirt for your first interview. It will definitely get you the job.

#11

I love how Tinkerbell is about to dip her finger in some of that peanut poo. By far the funniest T Shirt I've come across!

#12

I'm white so I'm allowed to laugh at this. If you are not white and I see you wearing this, I will still laugh...Then ask you where you got the shirt because I want one.

#13

Yup, describes me to a T. It's as outside as you'll ever see me.

#14

Yeah, just like that one time the cops got called because my friends and I were climbing on my roof pretending to be ninjas but they thought we were trying to rob the place...True story.

#15

Why yes, yes they do. I have been laughed at by many-a-trees in my life time...

Orbitz Drinks...Where'd You Go?

Anyone remember what these little beauties in a bottle are? Go ahead, guess!

Cute little lava lamps only sold at Walmart?

--Close, but no cigar.

Bottles of a magical wizard potion?

--Negative.

Perhaps the elixir of youth?

--Nay!

How about round colorful balls floating in some sort of liquid catalyst for Type 2 Diabetes?

Yum! My favorite combo!

Ok, I'll tell ya! They're ADHD and obesity in a bottle Ortibz drinks!

Now do you remember them??? They began hitting American stores in 1997 and formed one of my fondest memories of being a fat kid with a couple bucks to spend in the grocery store on a hot summer's day. My favorite flavor was the Pineapple-Banana-Cherry-Coconut. Yes, all in one bottle! I know, it still wrecks my head!

So why on Earth did these joy-generating drinks get taken off the shelves you ask??? Lets speculate for the hell of it! Could it have been due to the mind-altering sugar content in one bottle alone? Maybe it causes seizures? By any chance, did the US government not know where to put it on the food pyramid so they banned it?

Hope they take my suggestion into consideration

and bring back Orbitz drinks asap:

(BTW, this food pyramid got me thinking: Should I also suggest a spot dedicated to Christmas foods and/or gravy??? Just a thought!)

Anyway, according to Wiki, there wasn't enough demand to meet supply (it sounded smart when I typed it)...Basically their sales sucked ass. Even so, I still search on Ebay for these 'collectables', so if anyone can come across one of them before I do and you wish to donate it to me, I'd gladly drink it just to see if my pancreas explodes!