Are Narwhals Really Unicorns?

Definition of a Unicorn: Fabled horned horse with lots of magical powers. Adored by millions of crazy people who play Dungeons and Dragons for years on end, collect wizard figurines, wear healing crystals and love shirts with wolves howling at the moon (aka 'Wolf People').

Definition of a Narwhal: Horned whale that is real, alive and kicking (I mean swimming.) Hmmm interesting...

A little 'myth' about the two of them:

Some believe that a narwhal is actually a unicorn in disguise.

Basically, long, long ago, unicorns were hiding from their rival dragon and came to the sea with no where to hide. Thinking quickly, they used a little bit of their magic and turned themselves into horned whales and hid in the sea. Some unicorns have never changed themselves back into unicorns to this day. Hence, narwhals.

Hmmmm yeah, at first it sounded like a load of shit to me too.

But then it got me thinking...

First point:

If this isn't true, then WHY do narwhals have their own Magic card?!?!?!?!

Next point:

Famous Unicorn Sightings I stole from www.unicorncollector.com

Person Associated with the Sighting	Place of Sighting	Approximate Date
Adam	Garden of Eden	Beginning of time
Emperor Fu Hsi	China	5,000 years ago
Emperor Huang Di	Emperor's garden in China	2697 B.C
Emperor Yao	China	About 2,000 B.C
Confucius	China	551-479 B.C
Ctesias	India	4th century B.C
Alexander the Great	Asia	3rd century B.C.
Julius Caesar	Germany	I st century B.C.
Prester John	Asia	Mid- I I 00s
Genghis Khan	India	Early 1200s

Gee, there's not a lot of unicorn sightings after the early 1200's, are there?

Perhaps this is because they all turned into narwhals!?!?

Now lets compare that to the sightings of narwhals:

And the list goes on!

Another point to be made:

Unicorns' known enemies are dragons and lions. Ok, well hey, did you know that narwhals just happen to share the sea with none other than sea lions and sea dragons?!?!? Coincidence? I'm beginning to think not!

Sea Dragon

Sea Lion

See?!? The similarities between unicorns and narwhals are uncanny!

I rest my case.

However!

You be the one to decide...

While you're pondering, listen to the wonderful Narwhal Song!

Being A Dickhead's Cool

I thought I'd share this video with you.

I can't stop listening to it, it's sooooo going on my iPod!

Hilarious!

Enjoy!

I once had a roommate exactly like this! He dressed in tight, low v-neck shirts and skinny jeans. He didn't work because his parents paid his rent, bought him an iPhone and funded his social life. He never cleaned anything because he said he only slept in the house, so he didn't contribute to any mess. Hmmm, I guess the fact that he didn't know how to clean dishes properly and left crumbs all over the kitchen counters didn't count as contributing to a mess! Oh and he would only eat soy products because 'dairy doesn't sit well with him'. God, when he spilled red wine all over the stairs and left it there overnight leaving a huge stain, that was the last straw! I gave out to him finally after a month of that crap and he said he was moving out the next day haha!

Fucking dickheads!!!!