Rihanna Punched My Eyeballs Today!

I love Rihanna, RiRi or even Ms Barbados, whatever you want to call her, she is awesome! Even though she steals her fashion from London and takes it back to the states, I forgive her, because, well, she's fun to work out to! However, I cannot and will not forgive her for playing tricks on my eyeballs today!

A while ago, I 'Liked' Rihanna on Facebook, who hasn't? If you haven't, you're dumb! Anyway, I 'Liked' her, along with 'Cheap Asian Crap', 'Frosties', 'Sleeping naked' and 'Telling Dick Chaney to shut the fuck up' amongst many other 'Likes'. Anyway, today she posted pictures of her at Loud Summer Tour 2011 where she was taking pictures with her fans and this one stuck out like a sore thumb and punched me in the eyes!

As you can see, she looks amazing, don't get me wrong! But God damn, she needs to put down the bottle of bright red hair dye and curling iron and step away! Even the fan next to her is squinting her eyes from blindness! AKA 'Ginger-eye-tis'. I'm sorry, but she looks like a cross between Ronald Mcdonald and Raggedy Ann, or is it just me?!? Here's a pic in case you've never seen Raggedy Ann before. I just found out that my husband has no clue who she is. I now pity him with every ounce of pity I had left in my bones. If only Ireland had've known this little Ginger of a character and her boyfriend Andy, there might not have been a famine! And don't even ask me for a picture of Ronald McDonald! If you have no idea who he is, you're probably from a third world country or just skinny! Anyway, here she is:

Yay? Nay?

So, this got me thinking about look-a-likes. Is it just me, or does Walt Disney resemble Hitler?!? I knew it couldn't just be me so I Googled it. Here's what I found:

Yup, there's definitely a resemblance and other weird people like me with too much time on their hands think it too!

Well now, this got my wheels really turning! If Walt Disney could look like Hitler, and Rihanna could look like Raggedy Ann, there must be even more look a likes out there for sure! Just to confirm this spontaneous theory, I went to the address on the picture, totallylookslike.com and found this fluffy mess:

This picture made me laugh very much. Anyone know who this Wilford Brimley character is? I'm too lazy to Google him. I'm all Googled out for the day! All I can say is, how on earth could Noah forget all the unicorns and dinosaurs, yet he remembered to bring these two crazy animals!?!

By the way I'm laughing even more as I write this because I just left a Hiroshima of a stink bomb in the bathroom and Paul is freaking out because his nostrils hate his brain very much right now. That'll show him for not knowing who Raggedy Ann is...

Presents I Hope I Get For Christmas So I Can Re-Gift Them

Hey guys, Christmas is right around the corner, are you excited?!? I am!

So I've made a list of items I hope I get for Christmas this year, just so I can give them away because I'm cheap. I hope this list helps you just in case you get one of these as presents and want to re-gift them as well.

Great for couch potatoes, warlock wanna-bes and Anemics.

Calling all Dungeons & Dragons freaks! This would go perfect with their invisible cloak and dagger of knowledge.

Great re-gift for someone who is getting married. Or just play it safe and give it to a stripper.

Perfect re-gift for someone who thinks something like this is clever. Even though it's not. (At least we both know that.)

Is it just me or does she look like she's been drugged? Anywho, this is a great re-gift for a drugged model.

I'm actually going to keep this one for me. The poop stuffed 'animal' alone is worth it!

For anyone who has ever wanted to be cool. Period.

Great re-gift for someone with a drinking problem. They'll really appreciate your generosity and thoughtfulness when it comes to their 'problem'!

To that person that's extremely racist but doesn't realize it. Think they'd get the hint? Mmmm Nazi bling!

To the asshole who has everything. No way in hell would they already have an armadillo handbag. If they do, I'll re-gift them a punch in their face instead.

To someone who just happens to have time to put a puzzle together the second their alarm goes off...WTF?

To that person who just hasn't gotten laid yet (Derrick)...

Excellent for someone who loves gloves but refuses to wear underwear. Confused?

To that person who just never seems to have money to go out so you always have to end up footing the bill.

15 Shirts I Must Buy Or My Life Will Not Be Complete

#1

This is what I think every time I talk to my friend Derrick. However, I don't think he just ate a bowl, I think he devoured the entire box.

#2

This is very true, you cannot argue with physics.

#3

Vegetarians, vegans, and World of Warcraft freaks, close your eyes, this shirt may offend you.

#4

Was I the only one that thinks Kanye West wasn't crossing the line?

#5

This shirt is the perfect thing to wear to a feminist group. If anyone gives you the stink eye, just respond, "Hey, you would look really cute in a dress with a little bit of make up!" or "Shouldn't you be chained to the sink doing some dishes?" That will show them...

#6

Two words: Holy hilarious!

#7

Not just for your average American citizen that's appeared on Maury's television program, not once, but 5 times to figure out who the baby's daddy is.

#8

I cannot tell you how many times I've been talking with someone who doesn't get the irony of a situation. I wish I had been wearing this shirt so I could point at the writing and walk away.

#9

I'm all for going organic. Next time you go to buy organic food or clothes, wear this.

#10

Perfect T shirt for your first interview. It will definitely get you the job.

#11

I love how Tinkerbell is about to dip her finger in some of that peanut poo. By far the funniest T Shirt I've come across!

#12

I'm white so I'm allowed to laugh at this. If you are not white and I see you wearing this, I will still laugh...Then ask you where you got the shirt because I want one.

#13

Yup, describes me to a T. It's as outside as you'll ever see me.

#14

Yeah, just like that one time the cops got called because my friends and I were climbing on my roof pretending to be ninjas but they thought we were trying to rob the place...True story.

#15

Why yes, yes they do. I have been laughed at by many-a-trees in my life time...

What's Your Poo Telling You? - A Book Review

Holy shit (no pun intended), this is the book I have been waiting for my entire life! It was sent to me by a couple of friends (Emily and Derrick) from back home. They pretty much get shits and giggles (no pun intended again) out of giving me what the real world would consider 'weird' gifts. They're like the bestest friends anyone could ask for, right?!

On to the review! At first glance, you would think it's a book about buying toilets, but once you actually read the cover, you realize, 'Oh hey, it's a book about poop!' What's even better is, this book has a partner in crime; An activity book! I'm just finishing up a game of Poodoku right now and then I'll be on to coloring in some pictures of poo. I can't wait to pass the time on the train with this! Genius!

Hey, wait a minute, that dummy on the cover looks an awful lot like my friend Derrick! Coincidence? You decide:

Anyway, enough fooling around! Here are some Q's and A's to help you decide whether or not you'd like to read What's Your Poo Telling You? based on my review:

How is this book any different from other poop books on the market these days?

Although the competition is fierce, it has a lot of great poop illustrations and it was written by Anish Sheth, M.D., a gastroenterology assistant professor at Yale University School of Medicine! How cool is that?! It almost makes me want to go back to college!

Could this book be used as a stocking stuffer?

Definitely! And don't just wait until Christmas to give this book to someone, use every holiday as an excuse! It could even be used as a housewarming present, celebrating a new baby or just keep it for yourself and leave it on the coffee table. Think of all the wonderful conversations you could have with your guests!

On a scale of 1 to 10, how appropriate would it be to whip this book out at the dinner table? 10

What were your highlights of reading this book?

What really stood out for me was that it has synonyms for every poop type, such as: Chocolate Thunder, Butt Piss, Gravy Poo, Turd Tea and Poo of a Shame to name a few.

Are there cliff notes available for this book?

As far as I know there aren't. However, every time you do the deed, that should be enough cliff notes to hold you over until you have time to read the book.

What was your favorite poo featured in the book?

'The Honeymoon is Over Poo', AKA The "I Do" Doo. This is where you've lost all anxiety to poo in the presence of your significant other. I think this occurred within the first week of my relationship with Paul, however he still has issues with it.

Did you actually learn anything from reading this book, or was it just a big joke?

I most certainly did learn a thing or poo reading this book! Get it?! Get it?! For instance, did you know that Sweden has a town called Badfart? I can't wait to visit! Also, the longest documented human poo was 26 feet long?!? They must have had to finish reading 5 magazines to get that one out! Oh, and I also found out that rabbits do eat their own poo! I once had a rabbit named Peter that did that all of the time but I gave him away because I thought he had a chemical imbalance. (Miss you always Peter!)

All in all, go read this book! It should seriously be on the New York Best Sellers List or at least featured in Oprah's book club! It's basically Poo-tastic!