Justin Bieber Has An Autobiography?!? WTF?!?

So I'm at the store shopping for a cool science wizard kit and some super absorbant tampons (duh what do you think Hermoine has to go through on a monthly basis???)

And what do I see?

This!

As you can see on the cover, it's 100% official. I'm glad they cleared that up because I was just about to question its officialness.

First Step 2 Forever: My Story...WFT is this First Step 2 Forever shite and how on Earth does this 12 year old Canadian have any kind of story worth reading?!? (No offence to the Canadians who read my blog, I heart your bacon!)

God, I feel so out of touch with reality as it is, but it's times like these where I question everything!

Anyway, it got me curious, so I searched Justin on Youtube and I came across this horrific video. If you haven't seen it already, this is a video of a 3 year old girl crying over Justin Beiber. God this mother is a bitch! She's tormenting her daughter and recording the entire thing! Then they have the balls to put it on Youtube?!?

So then Justin Bieber sees this, or more like his manager sees it, and decides to have him make an appearance with the poor little girl as a publicity stunt. See, these kinds of things are in his contract...Including having a haircut that resembles a middle-class emo. Don't ask me what happened, I didn't even have the interest to see the outcome of this, you can Youtube it if you want.

One question remains: Why didn't the Department of Family Services visit this little girl instead?!?

I feel so incredibly sorry for her, more so for anyone who has wasted good money on this book and for anyone who likes this Justin Beiber kid in general!

Our society has gone mad!

On a side note, is it just me, or does Justin Bieber resemble a gerbil? Thought I'd point that out before I forgot.

So what do you guys think? Love him or hate him?

Orbitz Drinks...Where'd You Go?

Anyone remember what these little beauties in a bottle are? Go ahead, guess!

Cute little lava lamps only sold at Walmart?

--Close, but no cigar.

Bottles of a magical wizard potion?

--Negative.

Perhaps the elixir of youth?

--Nay!

How about round colorful balls floating in some sort of liquid catalyst for Type 2 Diabetes?

Yum! My favorite combo!

Ok, I'll tell ya! They're ADHD and obesity in a bottle Ortibz drinks!

Now do you remember them??? They began hitting American stores in 1997 and formed one of my fondest memories of being a fat kid with a couple bucks to spend in the grocery store on a hot summer's day. My favorite flavor was the Pineapple-Banana-Cherry-Coconut. Yes, all in one bottle! I know, it still wrecks my head!

So why on Earth did these joy-generating drinks get taken off the shelves you ask??? Lets speculate for the hell of it! Could it have been due to the mind-altering sugar content in one bottle alone? Maybe it causes seizures? By any chance, did the US government not know where to put it on the food pyramid so they banned it?

Hope they take my suggestion into consideration

and bring back Orbitz drinks asap:

(BTW, this food pyramid got me thinking: Should I also suggest a spot dedicated to Christmas foods and/or gravy??? Just a thought!)

Anyway, according to Wiki, there wasn't enough demand to meet supply (it sounded smart when I typed it)...Basically their sales sucked ass. Even so, I still search on Ebay for these 'collectables', so if anyone can come across one of them before I do and you wish to donate it to me, I'd gladly drink it just to see if my pancreas explodes!

The Tinterweb Inspired Me Today!

My friend Derrick who is a wizard nerd captured this for me today:

Thanks Derrick! As if I didn't already know I liked these! But it's true, I 'like' them on Facebook. I wish I could also 'like' the fact that they are right next to each other in an orderly fashion too. They look so perfect next to each other!

Anyway, his creativity cracked me up. But after realizing I accidentally pissed myself, I gradually became aware of my surroundings. Nothing is worse than being labelled a 'Pee Body'. Close to the point of developing diaper rash, I instantly snapped out of the laughing spell he cast on me with a wand I'm almost too positive he magically disguises as a pencil...I became super suspicious of how he cropped my Facebook likes so seamlessly...almost magically! This got me wondering 'Could Derrick be a wizard?!?' After questioning him, he then informed me that wizards don't use computers. Hmmm good point.

This conversation then inspired him to make this pic:

That's a pic with my head cut out and pasted on top of Hermoine's head. Don't be fooled by the hair, it's not mine, it's Hermoine's. I'm not a Ginger. We all know Ginger's don't have souls. I know you're probably thinking, 'Hermoine isn't a Ginger, Ron is!' Well here's the deal, Ron is a true Ginger, more of a Minger (ugly ginger)...But look, that's a whole different discussion! Anyway, you must have been living under a rock if you don't know who that bloke is in the pic with 'me'. I'm not even going to humor you and say his name because if you've been living under a rock, you shouldn't be reading my blog. We all know rock houses don't have computers!

Enough about Derrick! Here's a funny pic I stumbled across today. Its cuteness made me melt inside and laugh out loud.

I sure hope this kitten gets to college one day. I'm sure there's grants and financial aid he can apply for. If there's one thing I've learned, education is the most important thing one can have these days. If we don't get an education, we become stupid. If we become stupid, we lose our rights. Before you know it, the only rights we'll have left is the meat on our bones. God that reminds me of someone who once rambled on about something like that!

Who knew a matching diamond bracelet and choker would go so well with a dress made of beef jerky?